Sunday, March 29, 2009

Chained upon the face of time, born to grow

and grown to die

You look so disconcerted...
You thought our talk would be different, didn't you?
Do you realize how foolish I find your insipid smile and your idiotic flirtatiousness?

A surprising number of human beings are without purpose, though it is probable that they are performing some function unknown to themselves

In those days, desires weren't allowed to become reality
So fantasy was substituted for them - films, books, pictures
They called it 'art'
But when your desires become reality, you don't need fantasy any longer, or art.

Without progress life would be unbearable
Progress has taken the place of Heaven

and don't let it worry your mind if I don't wake up no more, I've never slept before... it's gonna feel alright.

Look at yourself in the mirror
You are beautiful... but you have changed
These days you cast rapid, calculating, sidelong glances
Your gaze used to be direct, open, and without any disguise
Your mouth is an expression of discontent and hunger
It used only to be soft
Your complexion has become pallid, you use make-up
Your fine, broad forehead now has four creases above each eyebrow...
and this fine contour from the ear to the chin... it's no longer quite so evident
That's where complacency and indolence reside...
Look here, at the bridge of the nose, why do you sneer so often?
Beneath your eyes, those sharp, barely visible wrinkles of boredom and impatience

[last lines]
A: What are you thinking about?
B: I'm thinking about how happy I am

And the ship sails on

Thursday, March 26, 2009

A: I can never have a real conversation with you, you never have ideas, only feelings

B: That's not true. There are ideas in feelings.

A: What a dreadful dream... landscapes of winter and summer
B: You're a liar, what did you see?
A: I saw the cafe where Van Gogh decided to cut off his ear

Sometimes reality is too complex for oral communication. But legend embodies it in a form which enables it to spread all over the world.

A: Shouldn't love be the only truth?
B: For that, love would always have to be true.

False love leaves me as I am. Time changes me and the person I love.

I know they're my eyes because I see with them. I know they're not my knees or whatever, because I've been told so. Suppose I hadn't been told. How would life be?

Our thoughts are not the substance of reality, but its shadow.

I've changed and I'm still the same.

Objects exist, and if we pay them more attention than we do people, it is because they exist more than those people. Dead objects live on. Living people are often dead already.

A: What is the privilege of the dead?
B: To die no more.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Will I ever find

the swimming pool?

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Tarot readings

are intense.

1. Base Card: Five of Cups- Disappointment
Your expectations for something were too high and you are now faced with disappointment over what you were once excited for.

2. Inhibiting or Encouraging Influences: Seven of Swords- Futility
You are now governed by low expectations and destructive thoughts. You are holding yourself back because you can't focus on a positive goal or situation to strive for.

3. Conscious Thoughts: Five of Swords- Defeat
You are beginning to become ready to accept your fear of defeat. Once you have truly understood what you associate with failure you can overcome it easily.

4. Subconscious Thoughts: Adjustment
Despite your current worries, deep in your mental state you are at peace. You have an inner balance that is not easily disturbed and will help you overcome distressing situations. When you need a moment of mental clarity you can always find it.

5. Past Influences: Three of Swords- Sorrow
In the past you have been involved with relationships full of jealousy that caused you depression. These experiences currently affect how you resolve your conflicts today. One potential source of this could have been a close relationship that was destroyed when a third party was introduced.

6. Future Influences: Five of Disks- Worry
In the future you will be able to see problems clearly and be ready to address them head on. You have been through problems like the ones you face now before and have endured through the pain of them long enough to have gained perspective. In the future you will have the power to deal with them more easily and decisively.

7. Yourself: The Ace of Cups
You are an open individual who believes in giving freely, but only to those who are equally giving in return. Your friendships are strongly based on mutual respect and honesty. You express yourself strongly as you are and are unwilling to bend to anyone.

8. Energy: The Moon
Your energy is best harnessed through your willingness to explore the unknown. You are ruled by your subconscious and nothing stifles you like familiarity and boredom. Your greatest strength is your ability to adapt and thrive in changing situations.

9. Hopes and Fears: The Queen of Wands
This card shows a queen who was once covered in darkness but now glows brightly. You hope to be able to share you success with those around you and fear that you will be blocked from doing so. You want to be the person who is full of life and brightness and fear being the one left out.

10. Result: The Prince of Wands
To overcome your problems you must completely accept that you already have everything you need to conquer anything you face. You must fully take on your challenges and know completely that you have the ability to succeed with them despite any underlying doubts you may have.

Tonight's songs

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Why travel if you're blind? You can't see

"But the blind are merely casual observers of life. Lack of being, but recorders of being." stated the ambivalent
"No. We have method...Even when listening to traffic the mind draws its own pictures of the streets crowded with Russian ghosts and wheels that have broken loose from their carriages." replied the blind anterior
He turned and admitted the failure of his thought
There is more than the two lives he distinguished: the life of the one who suffers,
and the life of the one who records the suffering of others
The third is the one oblivious to life beyond the conventions that they are hurled into
The third is the living dead
The good old salt of the Earth who delivers hemlock
Salt of the Earth makes the land barren

How helpless they looked in the ugliness of sleep
A third of life spent unconscious and corpselike
Some, the great majority, stumbled through their waking hours scarcely more awake, helpless in the face of destiny
They stumbled down a dark alley toward their deaths.
They sent exploring feelers into the light and met fire and writhed back again into the darkness of their blind groping
The search is what anyone would undertake if he were not sunk in the everydayness of his own life
To become aware of the possibility of the search is to be onto something
Not to be onto something is to be in despair

It’s almost sad what we shed in the changing room
I’d step out of the shirts of my family, who always carry time with them
I cling to them blindly
This ocean did once taste of home
Coasts being only where what’s walkable stops, not some ballad of hand and slate
Beach only dumping ground for the floatable

So I don’t float
So I never loved my floatable ones
So what
As if it brings them back

We know to dive, not for tidal wave and not for subterrain,
but for making echo, knowing nothing of each other’s loss
We dove
I knew you and never knew you
Both happened
Both true

I want to smell different and remind people of new things based on smell alone
I want to smell alone, reminding things of people when they were different
I want different reminders, basing smells on people being alone

The morning was swift and bruised, a vivid pillar
Then I lost it

You carry your memories like a sack of old stones
Though some are lighter than air
Sleep is the place where the bones can rest
Unless the world follows you there

I was in my house
I knew that
But I didn’t feel like I was inside anything
—Raymond Carver