all your old tricks

summer 09

2009-07-01T11:18:00.000-07:00

So, I stayed in tonight

2009-06-21T00:21:00.000-07:00

against my better judgement.

Turned out to be a great night, though...

I drew quite a bit, worked on some tshirts, and watched 3 films (A Bout De Souffle, Pierrot Le Fou, and Into The Wild)

I have nightmares too, you know...

Goodnight.

Je voudrais penser à quelque chose,

2009-06-20T15:57:00.001-07:00

et je n'arrive pas.

goodnight.

There's nothing quite like watching the sun shine down on a patch of clouds,

2009-06-08T13:18:00.000-07:00

a window to lean my head on, and no obligations except to sit down and keep quiet

Troubles reduced to the side-show distractions that they are
The past, present, and future disappear within the excitement of this simple, albeit subtly divine, elusive moment
No pretense(I've never been a fan of masks anyway) or apathy

...I wonder what it feels like to be in outer space...

I remember watching Family Matters re-runs when I realized that I had fallen in love for the first time

Oh, hi!

2009-06-07T20:28:00.000-07:00

I completely dropped the ball on the blog...
It's a bit late, but just wanted to say I'm gong to try and make some more posts soon.
Sorry it's been so long.

Everything is amazing.
Talk to you soon.

In my dreams, I used to feel that I was being sucked into a huge hole.

2009-04-27T17:20:00.000-07:00

Now I feel I'm being scattered in a thousand pieces

Before, even if it was a slow process I would wake up all at once
Now I'm afraid there will be pieces missing.

[while taking a drink]

2009-04-02T21:12:00.000-07:00

One shot kills thirst; two, worms; three, death.

Perhaps if they'd hung Jesus Christ we'd all be kneeling in front of a fucking gibbet!

You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.

Sometimes I smile and laugh when I think of all the great things you're gonna do. I hope you live forever.

"Whosoever shall not fall by the sword or by famine, shall fall by pestilence so why bother shaving?"
- Woody Allen, Without Feathers

Chained upon the face of time, born to grow

2009-03-29T20:37:00.000-07:00

and grown to die

You look so disconcerted...
You thought our talk would be different, didn't you?
Do you realize how foolish I find your insipid smile and your idiotic flirtatiousness?

A surprising number of human beings are without purpose, though it is probable that they are performing some function unknown to themselves

In those days, desires weren't allowed to become reality
So fantasy was substituted for them - films, books, pictures
They called it 'art'
But when your desires become reality, you don't need fantasy any longer, or art.

Without progress life would be unbearable
Progress has taken the place of Heaven

and don't let it worry your mind if I don't wake up no more, I've never slept before... it's gonna feel alright.

Look at yourself in the mirror
You are beautiful... but you have changed
These days you cast rapid, calculating, sidelong glances
Your gaze used to be direct, open, and without any disguise
Your mouth is an expression of discontent and hunger
It used only to be soft
Your complexion has become pallid, you use make-up
Your fine, broad forehead now has four creases above each eyebrow...
and this fine contour from the ear to the chin... it's no longer quite so evident
That's where complacency and indolence reside...
Look here, at the bridge of the nose, why do you sneer so often?
Beneath your eyes, those sharp, barely visible wrinkles of boredom and impatience

[last lines]
A: What are you thinking about?
B: I'm thinking about how happy I am

And the ship sails on

A: I can never have a real conversation with you, you never have ideas, only feelings

2009-03-26T12:29:00.000-07:00

B: That's not true. There are ideas in feelings.

A: What a dreadful dream... landscapes of winter and summer
B: You're a liar, what did you see?
A: I saw the cafe where Van Gogh decided to cut off his ear

Sometimes reality is too complex for oral communication. But legend embodies it in a form which enables it to spread all over the world.

A: Shouldn't love be the only truth?
B: For that, love would always have to be true.

False love leaves me as I am. Time changes me and the person I love.

I know they're my eyes because I see with them. I know they're not my knees or whatever, because I've been told so. Suppose I hadn't been told. How would life be?

Our thoughts are not the substance of reality, but its shadow.

I've changed and I'm still the same.

Objects exist, and if we pay them more attention than we do people, it is because they exist more than those people. Dead objects live on. Living people are often dead already.

A: What is the privilege of the dead?
B: To die no more.

Will I ever find

2009-03-16T09:14:00.000-07:00

the swimming pool?

Tarot readings

2009-03-11T18:55:00.000-07:00

are intense.

1. Base Card: Five of Cups- Disappointment

Your expectations for something were too high and you are now faced with disappointment over what you were once excited for.

2. Inhibiting or Encouraging Influences: Seven of Swords- Futility

You are now governed by low expectations and destructive thoughts. You are holding yourself back because you can't focus on a positive goal or situation to strive for.

3. Conscious Thoughts: Five of Swords- Defeat

You are beginning to become ready to accept your fear of defeat. Once you have truly understood what you associate with failure you can overcome it easily.

4. Subconscious Thoughts: Adjustment

Despite your current worries, deep in your mental state you are at peace. You have an inner balance that is not easily disturbed and will help you overcome distressing situations. When you need a moment of mental clarity you can always find it.

5. Past Influences: Three of Swords- Sorrow

In the past you have been involved with relationships full of jealousy that caused you depression. These experiences currently affect how you resolve your conflicts today. One potential source of this could have been a close relationship that was destroyed when a third party was introduced.

6. Future Influences: Five of Disks- Worry

In the future you will be able to see problems clearly and be ready to address them head on. You have been through problems like the ones you face now before and have endured through the pain of them long enough to have gained perspective. In the future you will have the power to deal with them more easily and decisively.

7. Yourself: The Ace of Cups

You are an open individual who believes in giving freely, but only to those who are equally giving in return. Your friendships are strongly based on mutual respect and honesty. You express yourself strongly as you are and are unwilling to bend to anyone.

8. Energy: The Moon

Your energy is best harnessed through your willingness to explore the unknown. You are ruled by your subconscious and nothing stifles you like familiarity and boredom. Your greatest strength is your ability to adapt and thrive in changing situations.

9. Hopes and Fears: The Queen of Wands

This card shows a queen who was once covered in darkness but now glows brightly. You hope to be able to share you success with those around you and fear that you will be blocked from doing so. You want to be the person who is full of life and brightness and fear being the one left out.

10. Result: The Prince of Wands

To overcome your problems you must completely accept that you already have everything you need to conquer anything you face. You must fully take on your challenges and know completely that you have the ability to succeed with them despite any underlying doubts you may have.

Tonight's songs

Why travel if you're blind? You can't see

2009-03-04T17:26:00.000-08:00

"But the blind are merely casual observers of life. Lack of being, but recorders of being." stated the ambivalent
"No. We have method...Even when listening to traffic the mind draws its own pictures of the streets crowded with Russian ghosts and wheels that have broken loose from their carriages." replied the blind anterior
He turned and admitted the failure of his thought
There is more than the two lives he distinguished: the life of the one who suffers,
and the life of the one who records the suffering of others
The third is the one oblivious to life beyond the conventions that they are hurled into
The third is the living dead
The good old salt of the Earth who delivers hemlock
Salt of the Earth makes the land barren

How helpless they looked in the ugliness of sleep
A third of life spent unconscious and corpselike
Some, the great majority, stumbled through their waking hours scarcely more awake, helpless in the face of destiny
They stumbled down a dark alley toward their deaths.
They sent exploring feelers into the light and met fire and writhed back again into the darkness of their blind groping
The search is what anyone would undertake if he were not sunk in the everydayness of his own life
To become aware of the possibility of the search is to be onto something
Not to be onto something is to be in despair

It’s almost sad what we shed in the changing room
I’d step out of the shirts of my family, who always carry time with them
I cling to them blindly
This ocean did once taste of home
Coasts being only where what’s walkable stops, not some ballad of hand and slate
Beach only dumping ground for the floatable

So I don’t float
So I never loved my floatable ones
So what
As if it brings them back

We know to dive, not for tidal wave and not for subterrain,
but for making echo, knowing nothing of each other’s loss
We dove
I knew you and never knew you
Both happened
Both true

I want to smell different and remind people of new things based on smell alone
I want to smell alone, reminding things of people when they were different
I want different reminders, basing smells on people being alone

The morning was swift and bruised, a vivid pillar

Then I lost it

You carry your memories like a sack of old stones
Though some are lighter than air
Sleep is the place where the bones can rest
Unless the world follows you there

I was in my house
I knew that
But I didn’t feel like I was inside anything
—Raymond Carver

And do you

2009-02-26T20:56:00.000-08:00

dream?

goodnight.

"Nothing can come of nothing.

2009-02-24T22:21:00.000-08:00

Speak again."

-King Lear

Mystification of power is one of the forms of oppression;
Ignorance is a situation in which man may be enclosed as narrowly as in a prison; every individual may practice his freedom inside his world, but not everyone has the means of rejecting, even by doubt, the values, taboos, and prescriptions by which he is surrounded; ...doubtless, respectful minds take the object of their respect for their own; in this sense they are responsible for it, as they are responsible for their presence in the world: but they are not guilty if their adhesion is not a resignation of their freedom. The notion of ambiguity must not be confused with that of absurdity. To declare that existence is absurd is to deny that it can ever be given a meaning; to say that it is ambiguous is to assert that its meaning is never fixed, that it must be constantly won. Absurdity challenges every ethics; but also the finished rationalization of the real would leave no room for ethics; it is because man's condition is ambiguous that he seeks, through failure and outrageousness, to save his existence. "We regard the photograph, the picture on our wall, as the object itself (the man, landscape, and so on) depicted there." "This need not have been so. We could easily imagine people who did not have this relation to such pictures."
"Who, for example, would be repelled by photographs, because a face without color and even perhaps a face in reduced proportions struck them as inhuman."

His modus operandi?

2009-02-24T14:12:00.000-08:00

Complete chaos.

Week has been pretty good
Weekend was a shit show(in the best way possible)
Can't wait for round 2

Tune
But come on
Come on down, sweet virginia
Come on, honey child
I beg of you
Come on
Come on down, you got it in you
Got to scrape that shit right off your shoes

Part of the weekend

2009-02-23T14:54:00.001-08:00

never dies.

People generally don't shave while drinking.

Tunes

If you do not raise your eyes

2009-02-20T12:14:00.000-08:00

you will think you are the highest point.

We are called to be architects of the future, not its victims.

Don't overestimate the decency of the human race.

We become aware of the void as we fill it.

Come to the edge, he said,
They said: We are afraid
Come to the edge, he said.
They came,
He pushed them,
and they flew.

Is this just a dream?

2009-02-19T14:55:00.000-08:00

...is it a nightmare?
Where does it start?
Where does it end?
What's in between?

To describe oneself in 4 words:

2009-02-18T13:13:00.000-08:00

Not quite dead yet.

So I caught the flu/a cold
Not sure which one
It sucks
I'm sure I'll feel better in 2-3 days

Oh and why the fuck is everyone and their moms getting cats???
Please stop

Tunes

When I'm tired and all alone....

2009-02-16T12:41:00.000-08:00

Lord, shine a light on me

One more

2009-02-13T11:40:00.001-08:00

Have a wonderful weekend/valentine's day, y'all

my funny valentine

2009-02-12T14:05:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ME6fNgyJzgM

Then we listened closely to some Mantovani

2009-02-11T12:08:00.000-08:00

and waited for the cops to come.

No words,

2009-02-09T13:13:00.000-08:00

just sound.

tunes.

Grizzly Bear - Lullaby

Yo La Tengo - Sugarcube

Clinic - Free Not Free

The Raveonettes - Blush

Loudon Wainwright III - Dreaming

"If one were to take the bible seriously one would go mad....

2009-02-06T11:34:00.000-08:00

but to take the bible seriously, one must be already mad."

So
I was tagged in one of those chain letter things on facebook
Didn't feel like posting it there, so here it is:

If you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

(To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.)

1. I'm a kook, a bit neurotic, and a tad uptight... keeps things interesting
2. Cleanliness is next to godliness
3. I talk shit
4. I love lions and rhinos... I was a lion for my 4th birthday party
5. I'm quite indecisive
6. I'm an internet road warrior
7. I like turtles
8. I like to hang out with my 2 1/2 year old niece. We go to the zoo and listen to fresh tunes.
9. I'd say I am a fairly outgoing and confident being
10. I love space
11. Number 11 is my steezo
12. I just started reading Hemingway's "A Farewell To Arms"
13. "I fall in love too easily, I fall in love too fast. I fall in love too terribly hard for love to ever last"
14. I've been into a lot of Yé-yé music and French new wave films for a couple of years now
15. I got my nose broken by a dude on mescaline when I was 14 at a rave. I popped it back into place in the bathroom of a warehouse.
16. I'm loud
17. I collect random images I find on the internet. I have over 600 gigs of jpgs/gifs
18. I'm a post-nihilistic-existentialist, lololol jkin but how pretentious does that sound?!
19. Moving to L.A. in June/July with Cory
20. I take 30+ minute long showers. Anyone who doesn't take 15 minutes(at least) to shower is doing it wrong.
21. I hate jam music, it's the worst. I do, however, enjoy the Grateful Dead. I am also not too fond of Led Zeppelin.
22. Johnathon Marshall Flowers (aka JOMAFLO), Sayeh Sadeghpour, and Robert McCarthy are assholes
23. I am content
24. I am happy
25. I am free

Attn Austin-ites
See you this weekend.

Love stories are only fit for the solace of people in the insanity of puberty. No healthy adult human being can really care whether so-and-so does or does not succeed in satisfying his physiological uneasiness by the aid of some particular person or not.

Tunes
Jarvis Cocker - Cunts Are Still Running The World (fan vid, sucks, but whatever)

Smile

2009-02-04T14:40:00.000-08:00

...not too much!

So,
Coachella, SXSW, Bonnaroo, AND All Tommorows Parties....
This year is going to be epic

Going to Austin this weekend
Super esscited about that
(Oh man, reminder to hit up Louies 106 Saturday or Sunday night)

Think I might get a phone on Friday
Depends on my mood
I kind of like this no-phone wave I've been riding
Eh... we'll see

I HATE FLOPPY DISKS!
Speaking of floppy disks...

ATTN MENAKA
(if you're reading this)
WORD OF THE DAY = STEEZO / STEEZ

Sayeh turns 21 today!!!!!!!!!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, YOU ASSHOLE!
Give her all your money if you see her today
It's her fucking birthday, you dick

ATTN DAVEH
(if you're reading this)

Stop stalking Timoxa Timoschenko, it's kind of creepy

Just kidding.
Kind of.

Tunes
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - Straight To You

Royal Trux - Ray-O-Vac

P.S.

2009-02-02T14:42:00.001-08:00

Buried alive

2009-02-02T12:25:00.000-08:00

but nursed constantly, so you're always on the verge of death

Renegade... my raison d'être

Oh and...
...yeah.

Tunes
Bernadette Peters and Steve Martin - Tonight You Belong To Me

Neutral Milk Hotel - In The Aeroplane Over The Sea

One

2009-01-30T12:00:00.000-08:00

can never write... "I am alone."

I don't love you for who you are,

2009-01-27T12:29:00.000-08:00

but for who you're not.

In Houston
Just left New York
A bit disappointed in myself for missing the Animal Collective show on Wednesday,
But at least I got to see them on Tuesday
And I'm seeing them again at Terminal 5 (NYC) in May... and at Stubbs (Austin, Tx) and House Of Blues (Dallas, Tx)
So it's not that big of a deal

I got to see everyone
Even got to meet Menaka's new cat
She would not stop jumping on my face when I was trying to go to bed the first 2 nights
She might have jumped on my face the 3rd night, but I was so out
Checked out American Buffalo's show in Brooklyn, which was fun
Assholes didn't come through the after-party though
Well, it was actually our fault
They called at 3 and we missed their call

But yeah, I love those dudes (no homo)

Oh and I got to meet Dave(DaveH/davenotdead) and Woodie(Penquin)
So that was pretty cool
Dave gives a mean blowjob (no homo)
Pretty sure I met Shaun(the feeling store) for a second on Wednesday
But I don't really... uh... remember... much
So I don't really think it counts as a proper uhmmm... meet.

But yeah, I'm going back to NYC in 3 weeks
Can't wait to have sleep overs with Ian and Dan (no homo)

Pretty excited about this weekend
Going to Austin to visit Julia, Brigitte, Liz, etc.
Julia's turning 21 soon
Valentines day, actually
Send her gifts/money

Really anxious for the Coachella lineup to be released
KROQ was supposed to announce the lineup this morning, but I guess that fell through...
Assholes.

Oh, and I'm really psyched about SXSW too

Ahhhh!
So much going on!

I can't decide if I am attracted to or incredibly annoyed by the Progressive Insurance girl...
What a big fucking surprise.

You have to make money to lose money.

I've found it easier to laugh lately...

But sometimes when you're fucked, you're fucked.

Tunes

The Carleton Singing Knights - Knife (Grizzly Bear Cover)

Langley School Music Project - Space Oddity (David Bowie Cover)

Yeasayer - 2080 / Tightrope

Velvet Underground - I'll Be Your Mirror

Goodnight.

yes,

2009-01-26T13:49:00.000-08:00

but no.

Story time

2009-01-22T09:02:00.000-08:00

I've NEVER made it through a show at the Bowery Ballroom
I've been kicked out twice, and the other times I was too drunk to make it through the shows

I was hanging out by the bar when I got there last night
and the bouncer came up to me and was like
"You're not supposed to be here! You know you're banned, what are you doing here?"
"... Read MoreImhere.... to... see...thebranimcal collect...ive..."
"I'm going to let it slide this once, but you can't drink anymore"
So he escorts me up the stairs to where the show is
I'm fine for like 5 minutes, the opening band is about to start playing
I start mumbling to myself
My friend said I was talking about how I was going to die and needed to go to a hospital
I was calm and collected, but still worried
So I then start mumbling to myself about how the Eiffel Tower is the penis of France and how amazing Ezekiel Bread is
Just talking to myself like a crazy dude
I run to the bathroom and throw up everywhere
My friend escorts me outside
I'm barely standing
Got my hand up in the air, stumbling on and off the street, waiting for a cab
I get in the cab and I leave
I'm mumbling to myself again
Stumble into my friends apt
Start mumbling again and shes like "what?"
So I start "philosophically" rambling about the dumbest shit ever to her
Pretending to be sober
Ate some Ezekiel bread and went to bed

when artists dream

2009-01-17T16:07:00.000-08:00

they dream of money.

Honey,

2009-01-14T21:54:00.001-08:00

I'm home.

Left Georgia around 9 PM last night

Got into Houston around 9:30 this morning

I'm running on 2 hours of sleep

Sipping on a glass of Crown and Sprite

The trip was something else

Kind of one of those "only once in a lifetime" kind of deals

Except, that doesn't really make any sense

Is every second we experience not a completely unique experience?

Wouldn't that make every living second a once in a lifetime experience?

Wait, what am I saying

I'm tired/delirious

Not making any sense

Anywho,

I had such an amazing time

Pics/Videos coming soon

Looking forward to NYC on Monday

Also,

American Buffalo (the band I was recording out in Georgia) is playing a show in Brooklyn next Saturday

Come out if you're in the city

Today's tunes

Roy Orbison - Dream Baby

Goodnight

we're all on....

2009-01-10T12:40:00.000-08:00

the same page.

I am losing my shit out here.

Georgia, Georgie, Goergie

2009-01-08T16:58:00.000-08:00

so uncomfortably comfortable

when i'm tired and all alone....

2009-01-06T05:27:00.000-08:00

lord, shine a light

This is Richard Gere

2009-01-04T22:41:00.000-08:00

"Nothin' more appealing than a woman who's proud to be in her own body. "
-Dr. Sullivan "Sully" Travis aka Dr. T

We (Cory and I) are helping record American Buffalo's new full length album out in Georgia
We leave on Tuesday
A bit excited
Not looking forward to the drive (can't fly because we're bringing out a bunch of gear)
It shouldn't be that bad, though...
11-13 hours
Going to make some playlists for the drive... in a bit

Anywho,
Yeah, so we're going to be recording at this super sweet location out by a lake

Can't wait to party with Chad & Sarah (Highway Child)

And then it's off to NYC for a while

Speaking of Highway Child, please support our brand and purchase a pair (or all 3!) of our earrings
You can pick up a pair at an Urban Outfitters near you OR online on the UO website
(direct link)

T-Shirts and new website coming soon!

I was in Austin last night
I had so much fun
Got to hang out with Liz(who I had just partied with the night before), Brigitte (who I always have so much fun with) and her roommate Maggie (who is a total sweetheart!)
Partied pretty hard
Could have taken two (or ten) more shots, but we ran out of liquor and the bars were closed

...wow.

My timing is so off
Maybe in 10 years

Goodnight
Houston, see you in a month/month&onehalf

Bitch, you breakfest

2008-12-29T12:50:00.000-08:00

best. song/video. ever.

I am sorry I haven't had a chance to update the blog in a couple of days
Last week was a total shit show, non-stop partying for 2 weeks now

Sing it, AUHH!!!

"My mother had a boyfriend named Pedro for like eight years....

2008-12-22T14:30:00.000-08:00

He'd wake me up when he come home from managing a night club, wanting to joke around and play

I must have been around seven or so and it really creeped me out, especially the stench of Malibu rum coming from every pore of his skin.

You remind me of him."
-Shirt Tail
(Animal Collective forum)

Almost 5, can't wait to go home and take a nap
Work was pretty intense today and getting 4 hours of sleep last night did not help my day
Actually, scratch the nap part
I'm totally going out tonight

So, I kept nodding off at work
I was using my scarf as a blindfold
My co-worker was giving me pretty weird looks
I was even thinking about going to one of the empty offices to take a nap, but I drank a Mocha frap and was okay

Tunes that got me through the day

Hercules and Love Affair - Hercules Theme
(The only version I could find was this lame fan-made video... but the song is off it's tits)

The Juan MacLean - Happy House

The Beatles - Yer Blues

Grandaddy - Nature Anthem

P.J. Olsson - The Whistle Song

Of Montreal - Wrath Pinned To The Mist and Other Games

The Smiths - This Charming Man

MENAKA IS IN TOWN

2008-12-21T17:26:00.000-08:00

PARTY TIME

actually, I feel good now

2008-12-18T08:02:00.001-08:00

The Supremes - Where Did Our Love Go?

Suicide - Cheree

Evie Sands - I Can't Let Go

Aaron Neville - Tell It Like It Is

p.s. I can't believe I took Solitaire for granted all these years
It is the greatest game ever created

2009

2008-12-17T08:38:00.000-08:00

2008 has been an amazing year, full of great adventures

Events

People
Opportunities

and Surprises

Sure it's had its... uh... not-so-great moments
But it all turned out okay
Well, more than okay
2008 was off it's tits for sure

It is exciting (...albeit sad) watching the year slowly (...or perhaps rather quickly?) come to an end

But anywho
2009...

I have over-the-top expectations and I hope that I don't let myself down
It's up to me to make it all happen

Everything can be and will be...

2008-12-15T20:48:00.000-08:00

replaced.

Complicity sounds like a woman's name, yet compliance sounds like the name of a machine that washes, erases, destroys.

Here, take these blankets
They are woven from the hair of the dead

there is no video

but you know you can't hide

2008-12-14T21:06:00.000-08:00

when the devil's your only friend

It's sad to fall asleep
It separates people
Even when you're sleeping together, you're all alone

I'm afraid of growing old

Tonight's tunes

Serge Gainsbourg - Couleur Cafe

Jacques Brel - Jef

Jacques Du Tronc - Fais Pas Ci fais Pas Ca

Chet Baker - Send In The Clowns (feat Van Morrison)

Chet Baker - My Funny Valentine (feat Stan Getz)

Nat King Cole - You're Looking At Me

John Coltrane - Every Time We Say Goodbye

Goodnight

and you're sick of all this repetition

2008-12-14T03:23:00.000-08:00

When all of your advisers heave their plastic
At your feet to convince you of your pain
Trying to prove that your conclusions should be more drastic

And your father to your sister he explains
That you're tired of yourself and all of your creations

And you want somebody you don't have to speak to

Won't you come see me, Queen Jane?

Tonight's song
Grizzly Bear - Knife

A sailor has to masturbate until the ship lands,

2008-12-10T21:49:00.001-08:00

A lot of things happen out on the open sea...

If one were to take the bible seriously one would go mad
But to take the bible seriously, one must be already mad

Ordinary morality is only for ordinary people.

Smile.
Not too much.

I want to confess as best I can, but my heart is void
The void is a mirror
I see my face and feel loathing and horror
My indifference to men has shut me out
I live now in a world of ghosts, a prisoner in my dreams

Sometimes if you want to get rid of the gun, you have to pick the gun up.

You look at me like I'm the strangest wanderer you've ever seen
And I got so strange from going where you ain't never been

Tonight's tunes

Philip Glass - From Wichita Vortex Sutra

Franz Liszt - Liebestraum

Modest Petrovich - Mussorgsky

Jean Sibelius - Valse Triste

Franz Schubert - Die Unvollendete

Goodnight/morning

You look great...

2008-12-07T21:47:00.000-08:00

when i'm high

I think I've decided that I don't want to marry anyone
I want a life partner
No need for the marriage bit

Also, I think I only want to have one kid (...two, at the most)
I fear that I'll love one more than the other
And don't you tell me "that's not how it works!", because it totally is

I am so tired right now

I don't really have much to say tonight

Night

There was once a wives tale that children originate as twins within the womb,

2008-12-03T22:54:00.000-08:00

but throughout the pregnancy one of the twins devours it's sibling. The surviving twin is tortured with the guilt of having the "vanished twin" within them, the other twin's shadow haunting them for life.

So I went to the Deerhunter concert tonight... against my better judgment
Sucks I have to wake up at 6:45 tomorrow
What the fuck am I doing up right now anyway?

Oh right,
I wanted to post about this before I forgot

So, I'm at the concert and these 5 dudes and girls are next to me
They are SO fucked up
I can hear them yelling/slurring their words
They were clearly on ecstasy or some shit, because their eyes were rolling into the back of their heads
They were being SO annoying

Jesus christ
It was like standing next to a drunk fanboy at a sports game... TIMES 10000
They were acting AND looked like idiots

I needed a drink so bad

Kids...
if you are going to do drugs, don't do them in public
Not only is there a chance of getting in trouble with the law, you are also annoying as all fuck to the concertgoers around you

Anywho...
DEERHUNTER was amazing
I missed the first song (Cryptograms... god damnit, just my luck)
But... holy. shit.
They are SO good
Agoraphobia was extra noisy live
So loud
Ears hurt

A: What a pretty postcard, Emile
B: Why are you crying?
A: ...because i'd like to be both yellow animals at the same time
B: Always asking for the impossible
A: I'll take my drum and beat it

When we talked, I talked about me, you talked about you, when we should have talked about each other.

We'd often go to the movies
We'd shiver as the screen lit up
But more often, she and I would be disappointed
More often we'd be disappointed
The images flickered
Marilyn Monroe looked terribly old
It saddened us
It wasn't the film we had dreamed, the film we all carried in our hearts, the film we wanted to make...
and secretly wanted to live

Man can build his greatness on the nothingness that crushes him.

If I have been feeling worried or sad during the day, I have a habit of recalling scenes from childhood to calm me....
So it was this evening

Our crusade was such madness that only a real idealist could have thought it up.

Tonight's songs

The Beatles - I will

Pulp - Babies

Animal Collective - My Girls (Live at Coachella 2008)

Air - La Femme D'argent

Elvis Costello - (What's So Funny 'Bout) Peace, Love, and Understanding

Goodnight/morning

Even the most miserable life is better than...

2008-11-29T01:59:00.000-08:00

a sheltered existence in an organized society where everything is calculated and perfected.

I went to the lamest bar tonight
I think it was called Lizard's

Listen, I get it
You're a Frat bro
That's your personal lifestyle brand
That's Cool
But why do you all have to wear button up Polo's with the sleeves rolled up?
I guess I missed the meeting at the Dave Matthews concert 5 years ago
(Remember? After that sweet round of Hacky Sack?)

I felt so out of place at this bar
And I mean that in the best possible way ever

The music these people listen to
Holy bleeding Christ on the fucking cross with a rusty dildo up his asshole
If I had a nickel for every time I heard an AC/DC tune tonight.... I'd have 3 dollars and 20 cents in my pocket

I think my friend Julia put it best...
"That place had a mixture of not okay people, tolerable people and a few cool people. It was so weird seeing all those people, some i hadn't seen for years"

No, but on the real
I had a pretty good time
I saw a lot of cool cats I had not seen in forever
So that was super neat
I just can't get over all the button-up Polo's with rolled-up-sleeves and the stupid whore who put her cigarette out on my favorite Marc Jacobs hoodie
Holy shit
If I hear another AC/DC tune tonight, I swear I'm offing myself

The drive back was kind of scary
My ride was doing 90+ on I-10
What an asshole!
But at least he got me home safe

Holy shit
I was watching Reservoir Dogs on the drive back home
Mr. Orange: [after killing Mr. Blonde] Hey you, what's your name?
LAPD Officer Marvin Nash: Marvin.
Mr. Orange: Marvin what?
LAPD Officer Marvin Nash: Marvin Nash.
Mr. Orange: Listen to me, Marvin, I'm a c...
[pauses]
Mr. Orange: ...listen to me, Marvin Nash, I'm a cop.
LAPD Officer Marvin Nash: Yeah, I know.
Mr. Orange: You do?
LAPD Officer Marvin Nash: Yeah, you're name's Freddy something.
Mr. Orange: Newendyke. Freddy Newendyke.
LAPD Officer Marvin Nash: Frankie Ferchetti introduced us about five months ago.
Mr. Orange: Shit, I don't remember that at all.
LAPD Officer Marvin Nash: I do. Freddy... Freddy, how do I look?
Mr. Orange: [Freddy laughs] I don't know what to tell you, Marvin.
LAPD Officer Marvin Nash: That fuck! That sick fuck! That fucking bastard!
Mr. Orange: Marvin, I need you to hold on. There's cops waiting less than a block away.
LAPD Officer Marvin Nash: What the fuck are they waiting for? This fucking guy slashes my face, and he cuts my fucking ear off! I'm fucking deformed!
Mr. Orange: [yells] FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! I'M FUCKIN' DYING HERE! I'M FUCKIN' DYING!
[pauses and calms down]
Mr. Orange: All right, now you heard them, we'll make the move when they get back, so don't pussy out on me now, Marvin. We're just gonna sit here and bleed until Joe Cabot sticks his fucking head through that door!

Holy shit
Holy fucking shit
So fucking EPIC

A: Ever notice there's the word "mask" in masculine? And also "ass"?
B: And in feminine?
A: Nothing.

We control our thoughts which mean nothing, and not our emotions which mean everything.

Time is like a circle which is endlessly described. The declining arc is the past. The inclining arc is the future.

Everything has been said, provided words do not change their meanings, and meanings their words.

Tonight's Tunes

Junior Boys - In The Morning (Hot Chip Remix)

Sebastien Tellier - Divine

Hot Chip - Ready For The Floor

The Knife - Heartbeats

Royal Trux - Witch's Tit

Goodnight/morning

A: Whenever I hear the word culture, I bring out my checkbook.

2008-11-28T00:38:00.000-08:00

B: Some years ago—some horrible years ago—the Nazis used to take out a pistol instead of a checkbook.

The ruling ideological class is the ruler of a world that has turned upside down
The more powerful the class, the more that it denies the world of it's existence, and its power is employed above all to enforce this claim
This is a complete denial of class distinction
It is only modest on this one point, because this officially nonexistent bureaucracy simultaneously attributes the crowning achievements of history to its own infallible leadership, while denying all responsibilities of its failures
Though its existence is everywhere in evidence, the bureaucracy must be invisible as a class
As a result, all social life becomes insane
This social organization based in total falsehood stems from this fundamental contradiction

So, I was hanging out with some friends tonight
Somehow the topic of conversation managed to switch from how left overs are "like, totally awesome"... to transsexuals
If you have sex with a transsexual(post-op) and you enjoy it, does that mean you are gay?
Furthermore, if a transsexual man-turned-woman enjoys the company of women, where does it put him/her on the sexuality/sexual-orientation spectrum

We never came to a conclusion

My friend also claims that if a heterosexual man was tied down and received a hand-job from another man that the man tied down would not be able to achieve an erection
I'm just not too sure about that
I mean, if something is tugging on you, something is bound to happen
It's nature
Right?

"Oh. My. God. Like, let's do some blow and listen to Joy Division."

Last night, I killed a man in my dream

Last night, I killed a dream in a man

Give me a Hermes Birkin handbag and a 60" HD flat screen television, but deliver me from liberty

In my dreams I used to feel that I was being sucked into a huge hole
Now I feel I'm being scattered into a thousand pieces
Before, even if it was a slow process, I would wake up all in one piece
Now I'm afraid there will be pieces missing

Objects exist, and if we pay them more attention than we do people, it is because they exist more than those people
Dead objects live on
Living people are often dead already

Tonight's Music

Deerhunter - Microcastle

Jacques Brel - Ne Me Quittes Pas

Parker Lewis - Hjältar

No Age - Eraser

Chet Baker - Let's Get Lost

Townes Van Zandt - Waitin' Around To Die

Goodnight/morning

[a party guest is calling her meditation guru]

2008-11-25T02:47:00.000-08:00

"Hello? I forgot my mantra"

It's been an interesting week
Cory and I are moving out to L.A. late August
We're taking the recording studio out there
So, all of you L.A. musicians, keep an eye out
Sarah and Chad (my bosses at Highway Child) are moving to L.A. this February, meaning I'll be in and out before August

and yes, I know, I know
I've talked so much shit about L.A. in the past...
But I guess I've had a change of heart
Change in heart? Change of heart? In or Of?

Uhhhh...Help me, Srimata Krishnaji of Brindaban!

Les femmes ne veulent jamais faire en 8 secondes ce qu'elles veulent bien faire 8 jours après... Ca revient au mème 8 secondes ou 8 jours. Ou alors pourquoi pas 8 siècles ?

Tonight's songs

Talking Heads - This Must Be The Place (Naive Melody)

Leonard Cohen - Tonight Will Be Fine

The Applejacks - Tell Me When

Fleet Foxes - White Winter Hymnal

Goodnight/morning